


It's pretty good to feel something

by 24hourprince



Category: Half-Life but the AI is Self-Aware
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Pining, Post-Game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24470941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/24hourprince/pseuds/24hourprince
Summary: About a month post game. Gordon comes black to back mesa to clean out his locker. Meets a few people he was expecting, and one he wasn't.not full, benrey redemption but he's working on itcanon typical nsfw jokes but no actually nsfw actions. no additional deaths occur but previous ones are mentioned. explicit anxiety/etc feelings mentioned so be careful.Title from Kid's by Pup, which is also featured in the fic and lends itself to the general vibe of it. Unbeta'dedit: fuck it, ai crushes all banks stream did so well this is now a multi chapter fic. my first multi chapter fic.
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 26
Kudos: 121





	1. I've embraced the calamity

**Author's Note:**

> there is a large wall of text on the middle of the fic. i left it like that bc it's supposed to be read as fast paced ramblings that you are only supposed to understand snippits of. but if it's becomes too unreadable tell me and ill change it.

Back in this godforsaken building one last fuckin time, for a while at least. It almost feels like a dream, or nightmare or fuckin whatever who cares.

It reaks of disinfect and industrial paint, oddly pristine, given the last time here it was covered in rotten gore and sticky blood. Some guards I bearly recognize let me in without a hitch.

"they uhhh only care about froot loops" You almost hear a voice echo in your head.

"Hello! Gordon" An comfortingly familiar voice calls out.

"Hey Dr. Coomer! How's Bubby doing? You two still coming over Thursday for the Neo-Science-Team's weekly pizza dinner?" 

"Yes, Yes! Of course Dr. Freeman! We wouldn't miss it for the world." 

"Nice! See you then! I'm just wrapping a few things up then I'm heading out." 

"Well then, I'll see you soon Gordon!" Dr Coomer replies with a smile. "Love you"

"I love you too Dr. Coomer." I responded, rolling my eyes. It's like saying goodbye to a close uncle.

I wrap up a few things and clean out my locker for the time being. Tommy's dad makes me make a few statements and sign a few papers. Tommy is too wrapped up in the same, sticking out his tounge in concentration. He does give me a huge smile and a wave when he sees me responding with a cheery:

"Hi, Mr. Freeman! See you Thursday!! Love you!! :)"

I responded back with a, "Love you too, buddy!" as I'm walking back out. 

  
  


Everything packed and ready to go, I won't have to come back for at least a few months. I'm glad for the break, it's almost summer vacation so that means Joshua gets to come back down from his mom's place, somewhere in the Midwest. We met back in school, back before we both realized we were gay. Chell lives with her new wife Samus. They are both amazing parents and I'm glad Joshua lives in such a supporting environment. 

I'm jolted back from my thoughts as I'm about to walk out the door.

"oh, hey, wheres your passport buddyboy"

I turn on a dime, filled with anger and I sprint to the voice. 

"RIGHT FUCKIN HERE YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER, LOOK SEE, IT'S EVEN IN DATE!" I scream shoving it in his stupid face, seconds away from strangling him right here and now.

"haha, oh shit, nice," and goes back to his post

And that's it, that's when I fall to the ground in absolute hesterics. 

Through bouts of laughter, more a release of pent up energy than genuine humor. I speak

"You tried to kill me! I killed you! You should be dead, why are you fucking here!! you can't just walk away from me!" 

Benrey walks back over, and once I'm done he reaches a hand out to help me back up. I take it, I'm not sure why, but I do. He does help me up and grabs some of the stuff I dropped.

He dusts off my picture of Joshua and hands it back 

"you're a lil clumsy boy arntja"

  
"Don't… don't call me that," 

"hey, bro, whatcha doing after this? i get off in like, uhhhh 5. i _was_ going to play heavenly sword with Jeffream but you know how that went."

  
" _Why... why am I doing this_ . Actually, you know what. fuck it! If you **promise** not to kill me or hurt me in anyway mentally _or_ physically. I'll let you come over, well play some Kane ansld Lynch 2 Dog Days or something I don't fuckin know." 

  
"pinkie promise, gamers honor" Benrey holds out his pinkie. 

  
"Uggh fine, pinkie promise" I loop my pinkie around his. "Ok… well... I'll see you out front? Do you have a car, do you need to follow me?"

  
"wah? huh? nah man, i usually carpool with jeffreerm but he works the night shift tonight. saves me from chillin in the break room for a few hours." 

  
"Huh, well then, see you in a few I guess…" 

  
"seeya, gordon"

  
Huh he actually called me by name, that was odd…

I get in my car and start it back up, my Pup cd starts back up. I drive up to the front of Black Mesa. I unbutton the first few button of my shirts and loosen my tie

" _I've been navigating my way through the mind-numbing reality of a godless existence_

_Which, at this point in my hollow and vapid life, has erased what little ambition I've got left_

_And I've embraced the calamity_

_With an attachment and a passive disinterest-_ "

Benrey hops in and I turn it back down. 

  
"sry i took so long. i was taking a shower, didn't wanna smell bad for our first brodate" he elbows me.

  
He is in some black jeans and a loose fitting PlayStation hoodie, some kanji for what I'm assuming means PlayStation down the arms. A gray trapper hat on his head. Granted he does smell better, weirdly sweet, kinda smokey a little musky. Huh, I could swear it smells a lot like a roasted mashmellow candle I got around Halloween a few years back.

  
"First of all, this isn't a date, bro or otherwise, second of all thanks, you do smell much better."

  
"haha youre smelling me feetman, that the kinda shit you into." Benrey smiles, teeth gleaming a lil too bright

  
"Listen, I'm just glad you don't smell like gore and rot and gunpowder." I responded not even looking over keeping my eyes on the road. 

The car ride is silent for a while.

"So uhh. I don't much food at home, Did you want to stop somewhere, or we can just go to the store and I can make something…." I ask.

  
"pizza sounds good…" Softer and quieter that I'm ever used to him using. Benrey looks out the window trying to hide the pink dusting his cheeks, under his heavy lidded eyes.

  
"Sure! I know just the place, I go there all the time they got some bomb ass garlic knots"

  
"haha, you're gonna give me the knot"

  
"What, the FUCK does that even mean. If I wasn't driving I would slap you" 

"HA HA HA"

The silence is more comfortable this time around. I never thought that would _ever_ happen with Benrey. Well that is until he falls asleep and flops his head onto my shoulder. I just leave him be, more hassle than it's worth.

  
  
"Hey! Hey Benrey, we're here! Wake your heavy ass up!"

  
"huh, wah? You thinking about my ass freeman?"

  
"Of course this is what you take from that sentence, you want pizza or not." 

We enter the pizza place, it's run by my brother John, our parents wanted him to go into the army but he made the right decision and opened this pizza place instead. It's more or less empty, not many people getting pizza at 5pm.

"Gordon! It's been forever! You doin alright?" He runs over, kissing me on both cheeks. "How's Joshie? Chell and Sammy taking care of him alright? If they ever need a break ma and pa said they could come visit them in Orlando." 

"Yeah, yeah, they are doing good I bet Joshua would love that! And I'm off this summer, Black Mesa is doing some big refurbs also I haven't seen our parents new house yet it looks fantastic from the photos they sent. Oh! talking about Black Mesa, this is my coworker Benrey, Benrey this is John, he's my brother" 

  
Benrey seemed to deflate in relief when he heard brother, loosely shaking John's hand. Huh that's weird, I think. Benrey seems pretty casual about kissing people so I don't get why he tensed up at some affection between family. Always kissing Tommy and Dr. Coomer and trying to kiss me.

  
"Well what do you two want?" John says, lightly nudging me.

  
"Hmm… For sure some garlic knots, maybe a pepperoni and mushrooms pizza? What you want Benrey?"

  
"fuckin uhhh……. im not actually sure bro, fuckin dealers choice man."

  
"Haha fine by me, but you can't complain. You two have a seat anywhere, I'll get you two some drinks, what you want Benrey?" 

  
"just an orange soda…" Benrey says, awkwardly sitting in the same booth as me.

  
"I'll be back in a second!" 

"You know there is a whole nother booth right across the table you don't have to sit next to me…" I say as he scoots even closer.

  
"i do what i want feetman." he simply replies

  
"Of course you do Benrey, I didn't expect anything different." I say with a laugh.

John comes by with our drinks, and we idly talk while we wait for our food, just about a little of everything but mostly about games he's still excited about heavenly sword even though he says he's waiting to play with Jeffrem. It's actually pretty nice.

  
"You know what Benrey, when you actually let me talk and aren't like _actively_ trying to torment me, you are actually really nice to be around. Maybe we could actually be friends." 

  
Benrey in response just blows air bubbles in his soda with a BBBBBBBBBRRRR, splashing some on my face.

  
"Eww gross, Benrey! I don't want your gross slobbery soda on my face, you fuck! ... shit it's on my glasses" I say with a huff.

  
By my surprise Benrey gently scoops my glasses of my face and cleans them with a glasses cloth that I'm not even sure where he got it from, before slipping them back on.

"Huh" I say simply

"I'm starting to like the new Benrey" I pat him on the back for good effort, I could almost swear he puffed up after that.

"So what's with this whole change of heart Benrey?"

"huh? wha? oh, im tired of being baaaaad bro, having your friend hate you, it fuckin sucks, dying suck ass, everytime. seein the people you care about, uhhh the people you love, hate you so much that it kills you, burning ripping your atoms apart and back together like a fucked up puzzle of blood and viscera, like loosing the game then getting teabagged but so much worse, a uhhhh a million times worse, and i think, well shit, this sucks shit bro and you think you can finally fuckin disappear and be dead for good, driftin in the void, feeling nothing. then you wake up alone ripped away from nothing..ness, all alone bro like being in an empty abandoned minecraft server but its all fuckin bedrock, surrounded in your own blood and guts, your friend's blood still drying on your old corpse, bloating and uhh fuckin coveted and shit and piss and vomit… bc that whats happens when you die… stuck in there for what feels like eons bro. not even a psp to keep me uhhh.. busy. just me and my own fuckin corpse. and you get to thinking bc thats the only thing you can do bro. you know when its uhhh 4am and you should be asleep and your brain just plays a cringe compilation of all the things you did wrong and can never fix because you can just fuckin hit reset and boot up another game when its your own fuckin life. and you're brain is like ughhb buhhn fuckin gross bro you did that to him? i thought you cared about him thought you loved him, fuckin cringe bro you know he hates you're guts more than anything, maybe if you didn't fuckn maybe if you tried to be nice, tired not to make fun of him maybe everything would come out better" Benrey takes a huge breath in then starts again he doesn't realize he started crying until it to late

"then i, i fuckin wake up splayed across the fuckin floor back where i started, you know uhhhh, in that corner where we first met everything still covered and blood and guts but luckily its dry and the rot isn't as uhhh vomit inducing. and i was so greatful maybe, uhh maybe i could make things right maybe i could say fuckin sorry for once in my life, uhhhh once in my _lives_ . i couldn't make everything better but maybe i can fuckin start trying to get better at being a _person_ bcuz im still a person even of im not human im still a person and im trying man, im trying" then hes sobbing, a deep gutteral ugly cry that sounds like you are drowning in you own tears and snot. 

I do the only thing I can do and I hug benrey, letting my chest muffle his sobs. leaning over him to give him some privacy all though its only me, benrey, John and the cook who cant even hear shit over her music. 

John who has too much experience dealing with my own too many breakdowns, kindly looks away and busiest himself. I hear the whirl of the milkshake machine so I know exactly what he's doing.

After sometime the sobs slow down and John returns with a milkshake and some napkins. 

"It's on the house, If you need anything just ask Benrey, I can't let my lil bro's friend have two breakdowns in my restaurant, it's bad for business" He says, obviously joking about the last bit, it's still just as empty as before.

"First of all I was born first, we have this argument every time, second of all, thank you. I'm sure Benrey will agree when he can talk again" I start rubbing Benrey's back.

It's weird, seeing him so vulnerable, the man who only really showed true emotion at, well I guess I could call it, our boss fight. And even then he put up both metaphorical and physical shields up. otherwise hiding behind jokes and pretending to ignore me. he almost looks delicate which almost feels weird for a full grown man who has to be in his late 20's mid 30's. I fell the need to protect him, which if you told me 3 hours ago that I felt this, I would call you a dirty fuckin liar.

  
So I do, I toss my arm around him and I pull him closer. 

"Want me to call the neo-science-team and we can meet up at my place and we can all talk through this after we eat?" I ask

He just nods, Slowly sipping his milkshake.

I wave over John and explain that we need a few pizzas to go once we leave, along with a few bottles of soda. He already knows what the others like.

I end up just texting them, in our group chat, explain that its an emergency but no one is in danger, and that I'll text them again once we leave. I put my phone back down and Benrey looks a little better.

"Thanks, bro. sorry for trying to kill you" His voice still comes out horse. 

  
"and I'm sorry for killing you" I respond back

  
"But you had to, I gave you no other choice"

Benrey looks like he's about to cry again.

  
"We talk about that later. When we both have a clear head, just relax for now, ok?" I squeeze him a little tighter.

"It's pizza time boyos!" John comes in, 2 pizzas on one arm, garlic knots in the other. 

  
"Come on bro you have to try one, they are great I promise! John makes the best in town!" I nudge Benrey

  
"Damn right I do!" He calls already back at the front counter. I never understood how he could move so fast.

  
I pick one up and hold it out to Benrey, by my surprise he just fuckin eats it out my hand.

"......You were just supposed to grab it, but whatever that's fine… I guess." I wipe my hand on a napkin and I start back. "Thinking about it, when was the last time you fuckin ate Benrey"

"Uhhhhh when we had soda right before we entered Xen" He says, actually having to try to remember.

"Dude, that was a fuckin month ago. No wonder you were a sob story a few minutes ago. You have to be running on like the fumes the fumes left. How were you even standing?"

"ummmm im not human, do i need to remind you?"

"No, you don't get to pull that shit anymore! I know for a fact you have to eat every other day at very least. I asked Tommy. You aren't the only one who isn't human." I say already putting a few slices on his plate. "Now eat or so help me I'll make you eat." 

  
"haha you're concerned about me huh, gordon, lil chicken hat." He says but he finally starts eat.

"Fine, if calling me funny names means I won't have a dead Benrey stinking up my car, go ahead" 

"bro, these are really fuckin good" Benrey says shoveling garlic knots in his mouth

"See I told you!" 

We ate in relative silence, but that's mainly because we were too busy eating to even begin to talk. Benrey is already starting to not look as sickly, which I'm happy about, if it only means I won't have to carry him myself to my car. 

John brings us the pizzas for the rest of the neo-science-team and a toy for sunkist. He tells me its on the house but I've already snuck $200 in the tip jar because I know he would refuse to let me pay. 

Once we are back in the car and on the road I check back on Benrey.

"You feel any better, man? You seemed to have a lot on your mind, and not enough in your stomach… thing?" I ask glancing over

"yeah… uhhh thanks gordon. thanks for being there, even after all this" I see him waving his arms in a loose pantomime of everything out the corner of my eye. "im not sure i could have been as nice if the uhhh turntabled."

"You mean if the tables were turned? I guess to be fair if you showed up even a week earlier, I'm not sure how I would have reacted."

We pull up to my house, the others aren't here quite yet. 

I hear what sounds like the sweet voice and I look over and I'm right. Benrey is singing out a slow low note, from red to black. It condenses into a marble sized, well I guess just a marble.

"here open your hands" Benrey ask, and I do so.

"red to black, means ummm i can't fight back. i physically can't harm anything, it's like the reverse of god mode. i want you to have it, a peace offering or whatever." 

"....Thanks" I feel instantly protective of it. I'm not sure if its a sweet voice thing or what. but I never want to lose it. I need to keep it close. I clutch it to my chest and it forms a necklace around my neck, I know he is telling the truth, I can feel it in my bones. it's like the rules of nature were unwritten and rewritten under my palms.

"...Huh…" 

The others pull up, Tommy in his yellow vw bus, Bubby and Dr. Coomer in their catty. 

"I guess we should get this started. Want to grab the pizzas? I got the sodas and the door." I ask him calmly and he just nods.

  
"Hey guys!" I say as I open my door and grab the sodas 

"Please don't do anything irrational or rational or whatever I-" I start over "What I mean is, please don't hurt him. He literally can not hurt you and _please_ keep all emotions under control until we get inside I don't want the neighbors hating me even more then they do." I ask. putting on my best leader voice. 

Benrey slowly walks out of the car, pizzas in hand.

Everyone walks in without a single word. Well actually Sunkist kept barking for pets from everyone but that doesn't really count.

As soon as the pizzas were placed on the counter and the door was closed all hell broke loose.

"Why did you turn on us Benrey! Why did you hurt Mr. Freeman! Why did you hurt any of us"

Tommy wails.

  
"Now Benrey I have to inform you I'm about to freak the fuck out and go Super Punch-Out for the Super Nintendo Entertainment Center on your ass" Coomer calmly responds

Bubby just brings out a fuckin knife.

"Hey! Hey! Everyone calm the FUCK down" I scream over everyone "Let Benrey speak" 

  
Everyone thankful stops talking and takes a seat on the couch

  
Benrey explains what he told me at the restaurant, but a little more clearer like it was easier to get out the second time, he sips on a glass of ice water to calm down in between breaths.

  
"uhhh, also gordon's right, i can't hurt anyone anymore, like uhh physically, it's impossible, it's like i have friendly fire off but it's for everyone. could… could you uhhhh show them gordon?" 

  
I slowly pull out the necklace, a swirling world of reds and blacks trapped inside it.

  
"Oh, dear, Mr. Benrey you really must be serious." Dr Coomer responds, slowly putting his hand on Benrey's shoulder. 

"i...uhhh.. i am. coomer, tommy, bubby, im so fuckin sorry, i… i never should have done that. that wasnt, as uhh gordon says the kids on justin.tv say, very poggers."

"Now then, we should really eat this pizza before it gets cold. huh boys?" 

I'm still full from before, but I do snag a few garlic knots. Benrey is continuing to down slice after slice, I can't really blame him though, I _can_ blame him for feeding sunkist pepperoni thought. Everyone is munching away on their slices. Chatting about everything and nothing at all. 

"Hey Mr. Freeman! What's these?" Tommy asks, opening a to-go box. John must have snuck them in.

"They are cannoli, bud, they are like a fried pastry with a swee-" 

Cannoli (Italian pronunciation: [kanˈnɔːli]; Sicilian: cannula) are Italian pastries that originated on the island of Sicily and are today a staple of Sicilian cuisine.[1][2] Cannoli consist of tube-shaped shells of fried pastry dough, filled with a sweet, creamy filling usually containing ricotta. They range in size from no bigger than a finger, to the large versions typically found south of Palermo, in Piana degli Albanesi.[2] In mainland Italy, they are commonly known as cannoli siciliani (Sicilian cannol-Hello Gordon" Dr. Coomer starts to spew. 

  
"Damn, John almost never makes these, mainly only on my birthday or on some holiday. Well everyone grab one!" I give everyone one.

  
"To the neo-science-team-new-game-plus, actually you know what we'll workshop that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idfk man this fic made me feel old bc i remember actually watching justin.tv streams a million years ago and quoting half life full life consequences with friends. Joshua's others parents are Chell and Samus just bc I say so. the candle that benrey smells like is ghostly treats by yankee candle  
> uhhhh listen to pup, and donate to your local community bail fund


	2. But it's not how they told you My intentions were good.

We hung out like that for hours, until the sun sank, leaving the sky a inky blue. It was weird, laughing with someone who until a few hours ago, you hated with every fiber in your being. Seeing him smile, and for once, not wondering if he is going to try and stab me, or cut off my hand or turn into a giant monster and try to squish me. 

I finally allow myself to look at him, his heavy lidded eyes, sunk in his face, framed by some really pretty heavy eye bags, crows feet just beginning to form as he crinkles his eyes when he smiles. His long lashes flutteri-, actually you know? Fuck this. 

I end up distracting myself, picking at the label on my beer bottle. The others prefer soda but I appreciate a nice beer now and again, some mid-grade shit, a Yuengling to be precise. Good enough that it doesn't taste like piss, but not too expensive that I feel bad drinking it. I'm listening to Tommy about the newest tricks Sunkist learned, apparently he can now officiate marriages in all 50 states, not exactly sure why a dog would need to do that but whatever.

I eventually say bye to Tommy, he apparently has some sort of important family business planned for tomorrow but he gives me a hug and tells me how excited he is for Thursday.

Sometime after that Bubby and Dr Coomer leave, saying something about how they have a boxing match planned for the morning, but I know they are just going to get brunch at this lil cafe across town.

  
  


"And then there were two" I stand back up, my back popping as I do so. "You need me to drive you home? What part of town do you even live?" I say looking around for my jacket. 

"wha? no way bro, you uhh promised we would play some uhhh what was it...? Kane and Lynch 2 Dog Days…" and then bearly above a whisper "i...uhh dont want to be alone again…" he refuses to make eye contact with me. 

"Ugh, fine I guess its a sleepover then" I say, rolling my eyes and shaking my head slightly, i give him a small smile to let him know I'm not mad. "I'm gonna go shower then, I'm tired of being in this shirt" I say, it's one of my nice work shirts, a little too starched, a lil too tight. "I'll grab you some pajamas and a pillow and blanket when in back"

"k" He simply replies back.

I quickly grab my own pjs and a towel and I start up the shower. It feels nice today has been so loud, it's nice to exist in the white noise heaven of a nice hot shower. A few minutes just to myself, I let the conditioner sit in my hair as I soak up as much heat as possible. Ever since we dealt with The Week From Hell I've make sure to properly appreciate showers. I sit there until my skin turns a bright pink. 

I get back out, putting on my underwear, then my pj pants, I decided to op out on a shirt, I spent too much money on this top surgery to do anything else, and if Benrey has a problem with it hell just have to fuckin suck it up.

"Hey Benrey? What size do you even fuckin wear? come here for a sec" I call from my room. 

"fuckin uhhh, im not even su-" He abruptly stops as soon as walks in the door, it kinda reminds me when Dr. Coomer just cuts off. Looking directly at floor. 

"What do you mean you don't know!? Do you don't buy your own clothes???" I dig a little more in my closet, "Ugh, just fuckin take these" I toss an older pair of pants at him at him, and it just hits him in the face.

"PPfffft, you alright there Benrey? You tend to have more awareness than this" 

"wah? uhh i guess, sry bout that." his voice is pretty muffled, still haven't moved the pants

I pick the pants up off his his head, his face is beet fuckin red, is he embarrassed? Huh. 

"You can get changed in here if you want, I still need to trim my beard" I leave him in the room, patting him on the shoulder as I walk out. It's weird seeing him speechless.

I trim my beard and I head back into the living room, and begin to set up Kane and Lynch 2 Dog Days, I prefer pc but the pc port doesn't have split screen co-op, so I just use the PS3 port, hopefully Benrey will appreciate it. 

I'm stretched out on the couch, I let everyone else use my good chairs all day so I was stuck in a cheap folding chair, Gordon can have little a couch manspreading, as a treat. The main screen had been playing for a while, I wonder what's taking Benrey so long?

I finally hear my bedroom door open and close. 

"Yo! You ok back there? I was afraid I was gonna have to like, I don't know, call in the like paramedics or somethin'" 

"oh, nah im good, just yaknow...stuff" He lets roll out his mouth.

I don't know, maybe be had a skinny jean mishap or something. I still don't know  _ why _ he even wore skinny jeans in the first place. He never wore them before when I would pass by him in the breakroom before his shift started.

"Well hurry up! I don't particularly wanna put an all nighter but I want to atleast play though half of it. I can usually complete it in a lil over 3 hours but since this is your first time I'll probably take like 6" 

Benrey ends up sitting on the very edge of the couch instead of sitting in the perfectly good chair next to it. I had to move my feet so he won't fuckin sit on them. I guess he ended up grabbing one of my shirts from my drawer, maybe the hoodie was too warm?

"you think in some sorta casul or something feetman?"

"No! I want you to enjoy your first playthrough, to savor it! Here, I'm not gonna toss it because this is my only other good controller. and I doubt you wanna use Joshua's sticky Madcatz controller, Mr. Benrey Butterfingers"

Our hands brush as I hand over the controller. I don't seem to mind but Benrey goes all bright red again, whatever maybe he's embarrassed I brought up him missing a pair of pants going straight for his head. He pulls the shirt he's wearing over his face… weird. 

We play for hours. He's not as antagonistic when playing for some odd reason. It's actually quite enjoyable, maybe it's because it's PlayStation? I start to feel my eyes getting heavy and my response time slowing so I decide to just call it a night.

"Hey, I think it's about time to wrap this bad boy up for the night, it's… OH Shit! Is it really already 4am, fuck. Night Benrey!" I start to make my way to my room, expecting Benrey to use the pillow and blanket I gave him and make himself comfortable on the couch, but he scoops them up and follows me, like a lost puppy. 

"Uhh….. what are you doing Benrey?"

"im going to bed, like you said."

"Fuckin, fine but no funny business, pinky promise" Seemed to work last time

"pinky promise broooo" 

It's weird sharing a bed with someone else again. I think the last time was some conference Black Mesa sent me to as new employee and they skimped out on the room budget, but at least they didn't have a murder streak and a foot fetish, well I guess...I'm pretty sure they didn't.

We crawl in bed and get comfortable. I face away from him, towards the wall on my side and I close my eyes.

"so what you think stars are made of, like fire and shit" 

"You are really asking me… its plasma, dog, like lighting and shit or those like lil globes you get at Spencer's. fire is just how we see a certain kind of chemical reaction. it's not really a object or anything, something can't be made of fire, that's like saying something is made of explosions" 

"haha i didn't know you we're a smarty pants"

"I graduated from MIT with a doctorate in theoretical physics, you thought they just called me Dr. Freeman as a joke?? This is like fuckin Jr. High Earth/Space science shit, bro."

It's quiet for a bit and I think I can finally go to sleep. 

"thanks man, anytime i ask anyone else something like this they just brush me off. it uhh really means a lot to me" 

"no prob."   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is much shorter, but im not gonna lose 2 days in a row of my vr time writing. chapter title from scorpion hill from pup. ill try to write more tomorrow but the ai crush all banks stream really makes me want to play payday 2 again
> 
> still debating on actually making it gordon/benrey or just one sided pining. 
> 
> edit: i added another half to the chapter, have fun.


	3. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mini chapter. i was gonna hold out for a longer update and post it at night but there was such a solid beginning and end to this mini chapter to really make that really work

I wake up clutching something warm and soft, not like people warm, but like "pillow you've been latched onto all night" warm. I don't ever remember buying a body pillow or anything. Oh well, that's awake Gordon's problem, I just pull it even closer and I go back to sleep.

Well until the pillow hummed back and shot an glowing orb straight in my face.

I rip my eyes open and low and behold, my former greatest enemy... clutched tight to me like some sort of fucked up lil koala. I have no hope of escaping without waking  _ him _ up and I really don't want to chance that. I guess what harm can really come of it, it's not like I killed him or anythin-

Fuck.

He starts to thrash about. I'm pretty sure he's still asleep. It has to be some sort of nightmare. I take this as my exit from "weird guy who cuddles the guy he murdered" to "concerned bed-mate".

"NO! gordon don't leave me again"

then again

"its so dark…"

Ok nightmare for sure, maybe even night terror territory.

"Hey, shhh, its ok Benrey, I'm right here, shhhhhh" I keep him close and I start rubbing his back. I really wish I could use sweet voice myself right about now.

By some miracle, he calms back down, I continue to comfort him the best I can. 

Then his eyes flutter open. 

"huh? whats up? you ok gordon?" he says with a yawn, eyes half lidded, glowing slightly

"I should really be the one asking, you were the one with a nightmare and almost took my eye out with your thrashing! I wanted to make sure I still had a room after this all happens"

"huh, i guess youre right, i do remember a nightmare. thanks" he cuddles impossibly closer, then hes out like a light once more, I could have swore he kissed my neck.

Whatever, fuck it. I kiss him on the forehead and I go the fuck back to sleep. 


	4. pancake breakfast

"...gordon" I hear my voice being called.

"Hmm? What" I respond still in the deep haze of sleep

I feel someone jolt awake against me, I ignore it.

"gordon?"

"yeah? what?" I just want whatever this is over so I can go back to sleep, aggravation that only an asleep person can hold, slips into my voice.

"gordon!"

"Yeah, yes, what I'm Gordon, the fuck you need?" I stretch and yawn, my back popping a few times. I open my eyes, wait... what the fuck.

"Wait...what the fuck!?" I reiterate to the world.

There he is, my sleep grogged brain completely forgotten all about yesterday's events. Benrey, still in my arms, looks like a deer in headlights. Neither of us move. 

"Sooo… how'ja sleep?" I say, just to break the silence.

"good, well uhhh actually really good" His face is beat red again, it's actually kinda cut- No I'm not about to call my former enemy...cute.

I do have to admit though, this is also the best I've slept since The Cascade.

"I'm glad…" I simply respond. "you hungry?"

"uhhhh, yeah, i think so." He responds, eyes still wide and starting at me.

"I'll make us some breakfast" and I take this as my out. I remove myself from him, skin sticking to skin for a second in the way only sleeping does. 

I trudge out into the kitchen to make us something to eat. 

Pancakes, those are simple and easy and I have all the ingredients on hand. 

I start on the pancakes, I decide on chocolate chips. 

As I start to cook them, Benrey comes out and desires to plop his ass on my counters. 

"You know there is a barstool right fuckin there, right?"

"wah? oh yeah, 's not as fun tho" 

I remember all the times in Black Mesa where he would sit on the weirdest shit, I don't know what I expected, the "He likes to be tall" meme flashes in my head.

"Pancakes alright?" I ask him.

"oh.. yeah! that's more than fine" he says, head cradled in his hands.

"Nice, they are chocolate chips" 

"oh damn" he clicks his tounge "top 10 gordan freeman epic win moments"

He lets me cook in relative peace, just watching me with, what is that... fascination? Huh. 

"They're done" I bring out plates to the counter, I sit in the barstool next to Benrey.

"aww man bro, i wanted pacman pancakes" 

I cut a slice out his pancakes and I eat it.

"There, you happy now?"I ask, rolling my eyes. 

"actually… yeah, thanks" He starts to eat

"yooo, these actually uhh they kick ass" he says, mouth still very full.

"Thanks, I've perfected my own pancake mix, I make it myself, you can't go back to the boxed shit after that." I say pointing my fork at him, ...and he bites the pancake right off it.

"i uhh i needed it for the parallel" mouth still full of pancake

"Eww gross", I make a dramatic affair of wiping my fork on my napkin. rolling my eyes with a smile on my face. 

He just smiles back.  


"you got a lil uhh something... there…" he points at my face  


"Huh? where?" I look down on my face, not really accomplishing much besides looking dumb.

"right here, dumbass" he scoops a chocolate chip off my face and eats it

"Fuckin gross dude, you don't know where I've been" I laugh.

"You wanna finish playing Kane and Lynch 2 Dog Days?" I ask, taking our dishes to the sink

"hell fuckin yeah" 

We play for hours, he's a quite a bit more clingy now. I'm pretty sure some part of our skin has to be touching at all times. I'm not sure I can blame him, I would feel the same need for comfort if I was alone for who knows how long, so I let him, it's the least I can do.

"wooo!" Benrey cheers as we finished the campaign, arms stretched up doing jazz hands and flops his head on my lap.

"Come on dude, I can't see the fuckin screen, move your arms" I nudge his arms over, "so did you like it?" I ask.

"definitely not shit, no heavenly sword, but not bad" he says waggling his arms. 

I ruffle his hair, he took the hat off a bit ago, something about it being to hot, some black mesa sweet voice rises from his mouth before he slapped his hands over his mouth.

"What's that mean? Do I need to ask Tommy?" I ask, rising an eyebrow

"red to ice means that uhhh that feels real nice" hes beet red again

"Want me to continue?" I ask, hand hovering over his head.

"yeah, uhh yes please" he says, eyes already closed again.

His hair feels nice, soft, not greasy despite being in a hat all the time. He's got a bad case of hat hair but that makes sense. He starts to, wait is that purring??? Is he purring?? Its like the BBBBBBBBRR thing he does all the time but it's really quiet, almost not there at all. Huh, whatever. 

I think we both end up falling asleep not long after.

I wake back up with a crick in my neck, and the sun is much lower in the sky. Benrey is still sleeping, he probably needs it. Nightmares make it hard to get a proper rem cycle. I'm starting to get hungry, but I don't want to move, it's like when a cat falls asleep on you, it feels wrong to move them. I'm glad I have my phone at least.

I take a picture of Benrey, for blackmail purposes... of course, and I just scroll through social media. Tommy updated Sunkist's Instagram with a new photoshoot, I still don't get how Sunkist got so good at taking pictures. Coomer keeps tagging Tommy in these god awful minion memes, who even makes this shit. Bubby posted the new knife he made, it looks pretty fuckin sick. Darnald apparently leaked the formula to Poweraid evil a bit too early.

Benrey finally starts waking back up.

"Welcome back sleepyhead, how's your nap?"

"hmmm… good" 

"Good! Now get up off me! I'm hungry" I say already trying to nudge him off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good news yall, you get double updates today. im gonna try to write some more emotional stuff tonight but these boys just needed a rest first.


	5. I don't know what you want me to say

"Like I said yesterday, I really don't have much in the way of groceries right now, so I was thinkin we could go grab something to eat and then go shopping, it's not really a good idea to go shopping on an empty stomach" I say rubbing the back of my neck. "maybe run by your place and pick up a few things, is that ok with you?" With his reaction yesterday and his nightmares last night I doubt he wants to go home but I would also prefer if he didn't have to keep borrowing my clothes…

"haha getting attached feetman, didn't know you wer-" he cuts himself off and takes a deep breath in and out, "shit, sorry... force of habit, let me uhhh let me try that again" 

"yo, thanks bro, that uhhh that sounds good, real good" he says this time.

"You know I'm not asking you to change your whole personality or anything, I'm mainly just asking you to not be like  _ actively _ hostile to me, you wouldn't be Benrey if you didn't poke fun at me every once and a while." I say, ruffling his hair again.

"yeah...uhh…sorry about all that again. i don't know how to react to emotions…" he starts to look down "you were always like sooo cool, doing like shit my mind couldn't even process what...at black mesa, then you forget your stupid fuckin passport and i was like uhhh 'yes this is uhh this is my time to get to know you better' so i made an excuse to follow you. then you were, you were uhh so concerned about me, making sure i wouldn't die bcuz of radiation and catching me from the ladder and i uhh, i knew, i  _ knew,  _ i didn't, i didn't deserve it, so…"

he stops for a second, sweet voice tumbles out and falls to the ground.

"so… i uhh, i tried to push you away, the best way i knew how… to be a complete asshole… and uhh just, just…" he starts crying again

"im, uhh im just so sorry bro, for what i put you through…"

I bring him into another hug, rubbing his back.

"Shhhh, it's ok, we all did things we regret back there, only thing we can do now is try to be better, and that's what you're doing right now, just... try not to be so hard on yourself, i know it's difficult, but baby steps are more important than big leaps and bounds" I give a small kiss on the top of his head. 

"thanks.. bro" he simply says.

"no prob" I say, wiping away some of his tears. "but really, we should get dressed I'm really fuckin hungry" 

We get dressed, Benrey stealing another one of my shirts and a jacket, but decides to wear his skinny jeans from yesterday, I just slip on a nice-ish button up, and some jeans, it's kinda wrinkled but who cares.

"You decided last time so I get to pick this time" I say starting up the car, "and I've really been in the mood for a good burger, is that ok with you?" I ask, looking over.

"huh? oh, uhhh yeah, that sounds real good actually…" he says, staring out the window

"Nice, it's on the way to the grocery store anyways."

"Sooo…." I ask a bit further down the road, "where do you live?"

"wha? oh uhhh over by applewood" he says, still looking out the window

"Oh! that's not too far, nice." That's a little under a mile away from the store. "How long do you plan on staying, what all do you think we should grab?" I ask.

"hmm, not sure, some clothes at least, maybe some games, shit like that" he states flatly, half distracted

"Sounds like a plan" I say. 

"thanks again, gordon, means a lot" he say, sinking even more in his seat.

We pull into the parking lot not much longer after that.

"holy shit, bro, you really taking me to alyx's that uhh like real expensive." Benrey asks, confused

"Huh? I mean they certainly not cheap, I wouldn't say they are  _ real _ expensive, I'm not like, taking you to like a 5 star gourmet restaurant, just a steakhouse with a bomb ass burger. Besides, Tommy's dad gave me some hush money, it's not gonna break the bank or anything, we deserve it" I pat him on the back and lead him to the door.

He just responds with an "ah ok"

"Welcome to Alyx's! Table for two?" The host asks

"Yeah, thanks!" I respond

"Right this way!" She takes us to our table.

We are seated and they bring us our drinks.

"if i uhh knew we were going this fancy, i woulda dress up a but more…" Benrey says.

"Dude, look around, no one is dressed up, well except that guy," I point my head in the direction of a man dressed to the 9s "but hes just like that, I saw him dress like that in burger king once"

They bring us our rolls and I politely thank them.

"Damn, bro, Benrey going ham on those rolls!"

He really is, he's shoving them in his mouth one by one, "Haha you gotta save some for me." 

"oh, yeah… sorry" He scoots the basket towards me.

"Yo, it's chill, they'll just bring us more in a bit." I grab a roll and slide it back to Benrey, I make a note to tip well. "Sooo, didya decide what you want?" I ask in-between bites.

"wha? uhhh how 'bout the uhhhh, hmmm, the steakhouse burger?"

"Good fuckin choice, my man, thats what I was gonna get. I'm sure you are gonna love it!" I say, he starts to smile a toothy grin, I feel my own face start to warm in response, fuck, I'm getting cheesey.

I order for us, and they say it'll be out soon.

"Have you never been to a place like this Benrey?" I ask, he seems slightly confused about everything.

"wha? no, uhh not really, usually just go to like fuckin uhhhh taco bell or somethin" he looks around the restaurant

"Huh, really? Not even on a date or anything?" I ask.

"nah bro… closest i got was making out with josh from gamestop after finishing fuckin uhhh...god of war, but we just had fuckin pizza rolls."

"Oh...sorry then I guess…" I'm not sure what to say so I just have some of my soda.

We make small talk until our food comes, I thank our waiter and we start to eat.

"How you like it?" I ask Benrey

"mmmm real fuckin good, could get used to this" he says, mouth still full.

We go back to silence, too busy eating to talk. Benrey finishes first, and starts stealing some fries off my plate, I let him. 

"Now  _ you _ are the messy eater this time around Benrey" I lean over the table and take a napkin and I wipe off the burger residue off his face, his face goes bright red. Fuck it's really cute.. fuck  _ what _ am I _ doing _ , I cup his face and my hands and…

and… I kiss him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger >;3c
> 
> chapter title from morbid stuff by pup


	6. I guess it doesn't matter anyway I don't care about nothing but you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was hoping to get this out way sooner but i had a bad spoons day, this is still pretty short but i wanted to give y'all at least something.

I kissed him, I  _ fuckin  _ **_kissed him!_ **

...And he kissed back, leaning up, meeting me halfway. 

It wasn't by any means perfect, we bumped noses, my glasses got pushed askew, and I'm pretty sure I almost knocked over our drinks. 

but we  _ kissed! _

"Fuck" is all I can say. 

Benrey responds with an equally eloquent: "bro…"

"Sooo…." I start, "I guess now you have."

"uhhhhh…. have what?"

"A date where you had more than shitty fuckin pizza rolls, dog!"

"wha? no pizza rolls kick ass what the fuck you-.... oh...YOOOOOO, dude i gotta update my fuckin uhhhh livejournal." he says.

"You have a  _ fuckin  _ **_Livejournal_ ** , it's like fuckin 202X what the  _ fuck _ . I can't believe I just kissed someone who still updates their fuckin' Livejournal." I mutter pinching the bridge of my nose.

"yep!" He pops the p, somehow sounding like someone on mic without a pop filter, blowing it out.

We start to attract a few strange looks so I just shut my mouth until our waiter comes back with our check. I politely pay and we leave as soon as I get the receipt.

Benrey looks smug the  _ whole _ fuckin time. 

"So what is  **_this_ ** , what are  **_we_ ** , to each other, I-I mean I'm pretty fuckin sure I  _ hatred _ your guts more than anything a few days ago, and... _ and  _ now  **_this!"_ ** I say waving my hands around.

A stream of blue Black Mesa Sweet Voice™ hit me in the fuckin face.

"calm down, bro" he states simply

I do, I take a deep breath in, hold, breath out, just like in therapy…

"Thanks…" I say, "I'm just so confused about this all, my mind is rushing, it feels like electricity is zapping all about my brain making it all tingle-y and weird and I feel sick? I'm just so  **_fuckin_ ** out of my element, right now." I say, smacking the back head against the headrest and sinking into the driver's seat. 

"we don't gotta put a uhhh label on it or anything yet, something bros just uhh kiss you know, like umm me and josh…"

"I  _ really _ don't want to hear about someone who shares a name with my son right now…" my head is in my hands. 

"oh fuck bro, im uhh so fuckin sorry.. joshua's mom.. your uhh wife-" Benrey starts

I just start bursting out in laughter, "Hahahaha my  _ fuckin  _ **_what?_ ** What the fuck, dude you mean Fuckin'  _ Chell.  _ Dude, no I mean she is my son's mother and I do care about her but that was like  _ way  _ before we got over our compulsory heterosexuality, she has a wife, who do you think the Chell and Samus I was talking to John about was???" I wipe the tears forming in the corners of my eyes. "Me and Chell!? Married PFFFFT" I start laughing again.

He's beet red, again, again, but I think this time it's  _ actually _ embarrassment.

"But I guess you're right," I say, "we don't have to put a label on this, but… we  _ do _ have to go get groceries, and preferably you some of your stuff, I'm  _ not _ letting you mess up my good clothes." 

"...thanks" He says with a toothy smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as per usual title is from kids by pup.
> 
> i know im gonna at least write until in universe tomorrow, which would be thursday: the weekly science team pizza dinner, but im still debating on what after that


	7. trips

"What do you eat? Just like mainly junk food? Is there any human foods you can't eat??" I ask as we get closer to the grocery store. "I mean I only know the basics like that you actually do have to eat, but you can last longer than humans without...but not like very optimally." 

"Just whatever, 'm not really that uhhh picky, I just need…. like the energy from food…"He says waving his hands vaguely.

"Dude… I know the purpose of food… I just

.. I just wanna know what you  _ like _ to eat, that you  _ enjoy _ , and! I wanna make sure I'm not like… gonna kill you by giving you some random food that's like poisonous for you or give you like Benrey-scurvy" I say, not looking from the road. "And I do know, for sure, you have preferences"

"uhhhhh, i mean i gotta eat something savoury every once and a while or my brain gets all buzzy, does that count?" Benrey says confused.

"Ok so that's easy, I'll grab some tomatoes, some mushrooms, some parmesan, shit like that. I already got some worcestershire sauce and some msg in the house so we are set there… Makes sense why you responded so well to the burger… and the pizza. You must have an increased need for glutamic acid in comparison to humans" I say, mentally making notes of things. "Would it be easier for you to just pick out what you want in the store?"

"wah? oh… yeah, thatll work…" He says.

"Sounds like a plan!" I reply.

  
  
  


"bro… there is so much food here!" Benrey say, eyes like a kid in a candy store.

"Uhh.. ok sooo… quick question… where have you been getting your food Benrey?" I ask him, confused.

"the uhhhh vending machines at lunch and taco bell mostly… oh! and uhh the 7-eleven by the house" He states, like it's obvious, and that's how most people do it.

"DUDE! How the  _ fuck _ did you survive?? I  _ know _ you are a grown ass adult… You are in your human equivalent of your 30's and you've never been to a grocery store!? Have you ever cooked in your life? I know you've been here for at least as long as I've been in Black Mesa, so uhhh 2ish years" I ask him, completely perplexed.

He just shrugs and makes an "I don't know" noise.

I bury my hands in my face again.

"I have so much fuckin work to do…"

The trip was… eventful… I really wasn't expecting on having to explain, like basic fucking self sufficient ways of buying and making food today, but I guess I wasn't planning on kissing my former greatest enemy today, so I guess I should just  _ probably _ stop expecting anything anymore.

It is nice to make someone else push the cart for once… Even if I had to stop him from ramming into other carts on occasion. 

"So! To your house then?" I ask as we buckle up in the car once again.

"yeah…thanks bro" 

We get to his house in less than 5 minutes.

"haha oh shit… looks like uhh looks like someone left me a note" He says looking at the piece of paper on his door.

" **Benrey!** That's a fuckin eviction notice, bro!" I don't know how he doesn't know.

"oh shit yeah, ive have been gone for a while haha…" I'm pretty sure he's trying to laugh through the pain.

"Shit, man, we gotta get your stuff out by like Monday" I say, already texting in the Science Team group chat. "We should have enough room for the important stuff…" I say doing mental tetris on how much I can fit everything in the car. 

Benrey unlocks the door. At least there isn't much there… 

"Benrey…" It's straight up just a bed, a tv stand, a ps3, a pile of games and few baskets of clothes. I text a photo to the others and apologize for the false alarm. "Welp, I guess it  _ does _ make it easier…" I start unplugging his ps3 and packing it up.

"uhhh what are you doing…" He asks. 

"Bro… you are being  _ evicted _ , I'm packing your shit up, I'll fucking clear out my office or something, we'll figure it out." I say very visibly overwhelmed with this extra thing thrusted upon me. 

He just gives me a kiss on the cheek and starts doing the same.

"No no no nono, what are you  _ doing." _

"what's it look like im ,uhh grabbin by bed…" 

"No! That is not going in my car, I'm pretty sure that needed to be thrown away years ago. We can fuckin, just, share my bed for now…" I say closing my eyes and rubbing my temples.

the bed flops to the ground with a FLUMP, and Benrey scoops be up for a big hug, gleaming teeth wide as can be.

"Ok! Ok! Enough! Gordon needs to breath! Let me down!" He gently places me on the ground and I dust myself off. 

"I'm pretty sure that was the last of it but we can make another run though tomorrow when it's bright out… Oh Shit! Tomorrow's Thursday! We have the Science Team's Weekly Pizza Dinner tomorrow… Fuck… almost forgot...You still cool with that Benrey?" I ask.

"ya, thats chill" is all he responds but the blush is back. 

"Well, let's get a move on, we have frozen foods in the car!" I pat him on the back to get moving.

The ride back was pretty uneventful, well i guess uneventful in comparison to the day I've had, I turned on the radio and we sung along, he really does have a beautiful voice, and not just his Black Mesa Sweet Voice™ either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im too lazy to think of any more chapter titles. have this fluff.   
> also use msg its actually really good, and it's not any more dangerous than fuckin table salt. bring more umami into your life


	8. back home

"Ok so first we need to get the food in and put up,  _ then _ we can grab your stuff out the car and start setting some of it up in the office… WOAH, Benrey what the  _ fuck  _ are you doing???" 

"grabbin the food, whats it look like…" Benrey has his arms stretched out in, well I guess a T pose? His arms are just lined with bags of groceries, there is  _ no way  _ he has blood circulation right now.

"Nononono, Benrey  _ Please _ … just... a few at a time, come on man!" I say already pulling some off his arms. "We are like, what? less than 50 feet from the kitchen, you do  _ not _ have to do this." 

A static-y "ha ha ha ha" Is all I get back in response, I roll my eyes, it's nice to have normal Benrey back.

It did make taking in the groceries way faster, so I do gotta give him that. Putting them up was a whole nother story. 

"Is the fridge gonna be ok… it's so full…"

It isn't, it's like maybe half full.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"like is the fridge gonna be able to uhhh handle it or whatever"

"Yeah… it's not like we are putting in a bunch of like, hot food in it all at once and shocking the system. It's all of it is already cold. Fridges are actually more efficient when there is a lot of stuff in it. Like heat is just like the movement of energy right?" He nods, "So if you got a lot of stuff that is at the same temperature, the same energy level, and less open space between them where that energy can be lost, it's easier to stay at the temperature you want. Like when penguins huddle for warmth, but like... in reverse" 

"huh..." He nods, "thanks!" he brings back out that toothy grin, I feel my own face start to warm. It is really fuckin nice for him to listen to me for once and actually appreciate what I say.

It's pretty smooth sailing after that.

We start to grab his stuff out the car and we place it in the living room to start to sort it all out.

"hahaha look broooo they're gay" He put his ps3 right up against mine and starts making kissing noises. 

"Please don't, remember what I said about energy and temperature and distance, unless you want to burn up both are ps3s they gotta be at least a lil bit away" I separated them by about a foot, but I did connect them with a lan cable. "There, they are still connected, you happy now?" 

"uhhh… actually… yeah…" He trails off, I just roll my eyes and I start finding space for his little tv he had. There is enough room next to my tv stand to put his so I guess it's going there since his ps3 is already here,and he keeps mumbling on about how they are a "bonded pair now" or some bs. 

"Ok!" I say standing back up "This is all set up, we still gotta figure out what to do with your clothes but we can probably get some sort of dresser at a later point, you've been living out of them this long, a few more days wouldn't hurt…. And I do want to clean out the office some so at least you have some sort of personal space if you need to like, dip out or whatever. But frankly, I'm kinda tired as shit, I  _ really  _ wasn't expecting on a move in anytime soon…" I say flopping back onto the couch.

He just stands and stares at me like a lost puppy.

"Just, fuckin, just get over here, fuckin loser."

He fully flops down, more like a ragdoll than anything.

"Shit, fuckin this isn't what I ment! Your elbow is like... trying to wiggle itself under my ribcage and I'm not fuckin having it!" I rearrange him so he isn't like... actively stabbing me with his body. "I don't know why I'm doing this, you fuckin suck ass at cuddling, bro" I say, when I'm finally almost comfortable.

He just buries himself deeper in between my neck and my shoulder and kisses my neck. 

"Fuckin, whatever dude" My face grows red as I roll my eyes. 

He mumbles something in my neck.

"I can't fuckin hear you, asshole…"

"said… uhh your hair smells good" 

"I fuckin hope so, it's clean, head and shoulders, yo" He's already wedged himself back against my neck. My eyes start to get heavy and I fall asleep, Benrey still splayed over me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys seem to like fluff, have more fluff and nonsense.   
> sorry for all the short chapters, ive been kinda sick lately so its a bit harder to get the characters all sounding right. im hoping to try and write a big one soon but well see, yall might get a bit more fluff until i feel a bit better.


	9. Chapter 9

I wake up, some time later, my ceiling fan light burning into my eyes, and a neck covered in drool. 

"Hey…" I whisper, shaking him softly "Hey we fell asleep again" 

"...wha?" He says, air softly puffing on my neck

"You fell the fuck asleep on me and now I'm covered in your gross slobber… asshole" I say starting to jossle him a bit more.

"huh… ok…" He lifts his head and there are lil indentations on his face from sleep, a few of my long hairs still stuck to his face, I brush them off. He leans into the touch.

"We really gotta stop napping, it's gonna wreck our sleep cycle, more then staying up till 4am playing Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days already did." I say with a yawn. I look at my phone, it's about 10pm and I'm too awake to go back to sleep now. I touch my neck and my hand comes back bright pink. 

"...Hey Benrey…?" I ask. "What's up with this?"

"... fuck" Is all I get from him.

"Not sure if that response really make me very confidant on whether or not it's dangerous…"

"wah? no its safe, its just uhh…. embarrassing...is all" He tried to not make eye contact, well as much as a person whos laying on someone really can.

"Just  _ please _ tell me what it is" 

"its sweet voice obviously... doesn't change any emotions or anything... just happens when uhhh...when... when you love someone" He really looks like he wants to crawl away right now.

"Huh…Huh… ok" I smell it, I'm not really sure what compels me to. It's…smells almost too sweet, like the first breath of walking into one of those handmade candy stores every tourist town has, then a smell that's just uniquely Benrey. 

"I guess I can handle that..." I finally say "But I am going to take a shower, this is really sticky" It feels almost like someone spilled fruit juice down my neck.

He looks relieved. I wiggle him off and start to head to my room. 

"I'll make sure to leave you some warm water" I say punctuating by kissing him on the cheek "I'm not gonna let your sweaty ass sleep in my bed without a shower. I have  _ some _ standards." 

The shower is real nice, feels good to get the crick out of my neck from sleeping on the couch. I almost don't want to leave, but I am a man of my word. So I do leave sooner than I would like so he had some hot water too. 

I come out of the bathroom, still drying off my hair. "Showers all yours Benrey!" I shout. 

"could i borrow a shirt?" he asks. I know he has enough shirts but I humor him.

"Yeah one sec!" I say from my room. It's on the table next to my bedroom door. It's the hoodie I wear whenever I have to slip something on for a second to answer the door. It's the softest hoodie I own. Had it for years, got it in MIT.

"Here" I say handing it over. "I wore it for a lil bit but it shouldn't like, stink, or anything" 

He holds it with some sort of...reverence?

"thanks… again, for this, and for uhh for everything" He shuffles into the bathroom. 

I decide to make popcorn. I bring out my big metal mixing bowl, some ghee, some homegrounded popcorn salt, some cheese powder, some cheapo powder "parmesan", nutritional yeast, and some msg. He's never gonna want to eat doritos again after this shit. 

I sit on the couch, munching on popcorn, waiting for Benrey to come back out. I'm watching something on Food Network, Guy's Grocery Game. My favorite judge is on, Justin Warner, that guys always making cool shit and sneaking in sly video game references in shit. 

Benrey flops down next to me, laying head on my shoulder, still wet hair tickling my neck. 

"Popcorn?" I ask, scooting the bowl over.

"sure…" He takes a handful, shoving it in his mouth.

"shit, bro... this kicks ass" He says mouth still full with food.

"I know right? It's my signature mix. Popcorn is cheap and easy to make, saved my ass pulling all nighters in college." I puff my chest out a bit, I really am proud of it.

I give myself time to actually look at him. Sharp features that are still somehow soft to the touch, deep sunken eyes with impossibly wide, almost black irises and dilated pupils, long lashes, crows feet crinkling at the corners of his eyes, messy arched eyebrows. A mix-match of features that combine into something, surprisingly handsome. If I can concentrate I can still see the golden glow his eyes emits.

His long knobby hands, grab some more popcorn, his black nail polish is starting to chip off. I fell the sudden need to kiss it, so I do. I grab his hand and I leave a small peck on the back of his hand.

"what are you, some sort of uhhh… hopeless romantic or somethin' freeman?" He tries to play it cool but his face is turning into that now oh so familiar shade of beet red.

"You know what? Maybe I am, what of it?"

"it's cool…" He hides his face in the crook of my neck. 

We just sit there watching tv, it's hopelessly domestic, and so so nice. 

"We should probably actually get to bed for real now…" I tell him, it's has to be about 3am or so. 

"don't wanna move…" He whines. 

"Fuckin fine" I scoop him up in one solid motion and I carry him to bed, unceremoniously letting him fall to the bed. "Happy?" I ask.

"hmmm...ya" he says after a moment.

I plug in my phone, take my meds, and put my glasses on the bedside table. 

"Night, fucker" I say, allowing myself to curl around him.

"night gordon…" 

I give him a chaste kiss. I fall asleep easier than I have in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, im feeling much better but i couldn't get this chapter feeling right.i tried several times, i probably have like 2000 words that i ended up throwing out bc they felt wrong. which is like x2 the normal chapter size for  
> edit: i forgot to say, my benrey is almost exclusively based on howdy-hd's benrey on tumblr. they make him into such a hearthrob


	10. Chapter 10

I slowly drift awake. Savouring how nice it is to wake up on your own, not by an alarm or someone rolling you down a latter or some life or death situation. I breathe in, the sweet/musky sent I'm starting to get used to fills my nose. I curl more into the scent, the body next to me kissing my adam's apple in response.

"Mornin…" I say with a yawn, placing a small kiss into his hair. "How'd you sleep?" 

"hmmm… wa?... nice, very nice…you?" His eyes flutter open, eyelashes tickling my neck.

"Best in year's I'm gonna have to say" I say, "we should probably start getting up…" I say still not even attempting to do so, "We are meeting up with the others today." 

"5 more minutes…" He whines

"Sure, we can spare another 5 minutes…" I let myself soak up as much warmth as I can, like when you walk out of a movie theater and you just let the sun warm your chilled body, arms spread, face to the sky. This all feels like a dream.

"We should really get up now…" I start to stretch.

I just get a grumble in response. 

"Would a kiss good morning persuade you?" I ask, in a slightly mocking voice.

He springs straight up. 

"come here, loverboy…" He says making kissy noises.

I just laugh and give him a big kiss. 

"Now you have no excuse to not help me make breakfast, haha tricked you loser."I say, no ill will behind my words.

He clicks his tounge and responds with a "damn" 

"What you want to eat?" I ask digging around in my fridge.

"hmmm. not sure" 

"Omelette?" I say grabbing out some eggs and some fixings.

"sounds good" He's sitting on the countertop again, swinging his legs. 

I roll my eyes but I start sweating the veggies out for omelettes, made sure there was some mushrooms in it for Benrey's health. 

He starts to hum using his Sweet Voice™ it's really nice.

"You know Benrey" I tell him, flipping the veggies "Your voice is really beautiful, I could really get used to this."

"fuckin whatever, bro, you gay or somethin" He's Very obviously trying to cover up his reaction to it, but he isn't very good. 

"Says the guy who fuckin blew love bubbles into me neck during a normal bro nap sesh" I say with a laugh.

Once the veggies are well cooked I poured in the eggs and finish up the omelettes, and pop some toast in the toaster. 

"hehe bong app the teeth" Benrey says as I place the food in front of him, I just roll my eyes.

"fuck, bro, you are really good at this…" He say, mouth still full of food. 

"Fuckin, stop talking with your mouth open, dipshit!" I bump my shoulders against his. 

He just smiles wide, showing all of his teeth, his eyes crinkling in the corners. 

My phone rings, and I look at it, it's Chell, well actually it's probably Joshua using Chell's phone, Chell wasn't a very verbal person, probably why her and Samus do so well together.

"Hey, I gotta take this, It's Joshua, you know my son." 

"oh dunk…" He goes back to eating

"Papa!!" Joshua's Voice answers as soon as I take the call.

"Heya bud, miss ya! How you holding up? Doing good in school, not causing your moms any Problems?"I ask, slipping into my dad voice.

"Corse not! I'm real excited to see you! Our class is doing a party next week, cus its the last week of school and stuff"

"I'm real proud of you bud! A whole year of school gone just like that! I know not to spring stuff on you, but I got a friend living with me now, Benrey say hi to Joshua"I put my phone on speaker.

"huh wha? oh! hey lil dude. how's it hangin?" Benrey is a bit surprised being addressed. 

"Hi Mr.Benrey"

"just benrey lil dude"

"Hi Just Benrey" He just starts laughing, only in 2nd grade and he's already a smartass, must get it from me, I'm very proud of that. 

"Hey bud, both you moms around I want to talk to them about something?" I ask.

"Yeah! Ma! Mom! Papa wants to talk to you! He yells, I change over to video chat, propping up my phone on the stand.

"What you need gordon?" Chell signs 

"Ma and Pa invited me to Orlando and I was thinking I could could take take Joshua with us and maybe do a Disney trip? The science team will help out, so he'll always be with at least a few people" I sign, I'm slightly rusty I don't get to use it enough anymore.

"Sure, sounds great! Who's this Benrey guy he was talking about"

"About that… remember that guy we had to kill…"I sign slowly

"Yes"

"Well hes good now! He can't even hurt anyone anymore"

"Let me speak to him" She responds. 

"Benrey Chell wants to talk, sounds serious" I tell him

"Listen, if you even think about hurting my son I will rip you, limb from limb, Samus has single handedly destroyed planets do not fuck with us" She looks pissed.

Benrey is more scared than I have ever seen him, He signs a simple "Yes" 

Her anger melts away "Thanks!" she signs with a smile, she kisses Joshua's head and hands the phone back.

"Hi! you're Ben-rey right?" the video chat is still open

"yeah, lil dude" He smiles 

"Woah! You're teeth are so cool! Papa! Do I get teeth like that then I get my grown up teeth?"

"Sorry bud, but no, Benreys just special." I say ruffling Benrey's hair."

"Benrey do you play Minecraft?"

"hell yeah i do lil buddy!"

"Do you wanna see my pumpkin farm!"Joshua is all excited.

"sure!" Benrey looks like he's actually excited to see his pumpkin farm.

"Papa can Benrey use your PlayStation to play Minecraft with me! Tommy taught me some more redstone tricks"

"Sure buddy!" 

Benrey plays Minecraft with Joshua for quite some time, he's actually really good with Joshua, surprised me especially because he said he looked a bit shit before.

I motion for Benrey to talk on the headset.

"Hey, Joshie, Benrey has to stop for now. The science team is coming over soon" I say into the mic

"Awww, but Benrey just showed me how to make a secret door!" His voice is staticy from the less than best headset.

"I bet Benrey would love to play later! But right now we have to get ready, you wouldn't us to make Dr. Tommy sad now by forgetting about him, now would we." I say

"No papa. Ok… Love you papa!! Love you Just Benrey" 

"Love you too lil bud, talk to you later ok? We have a surprise for you later!" I tell him, he just laughs and logs off.

"Thanks Benrey, that really meant a lot to me" I say kissing him on the cheek.

" 'its no problem, he's not actually a bit shit, he's a goodcool in my book." 

"We really should get dressed, we need to go pick up the pizzas from John's." 

We get dressed and go pick up the pizzas.

"John! We're here!" I say as we open the door, Benrey's arm around my waist. 

"Gordon! Benrey! You feeling any better?"John greets us.

Benrey looks genuinely surprised John remembered him, let alone felt concern for him.

"uhhh yeah, gordons been helping me out lots." He says with a smile "thanks…" he means it. 

"Good! Good!" He pats Benrey on the back, "But you ever hurt my brother ever again I will kill you" he says plainly.

"Don't worry, he can't John, like physically can't" I tell him.

"Well then, I'll nice to see you again Benrey, but you two should really get going, your almost already late" he hand us our pizzas and we head back out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one chapter left after this! its symmetry, beginning with pizza and ending with pizza.  
> im thinking about making the sequel where they all go on vacation together to disney but well see >;3c. i want to write more about joshua interacting with his cool new science uncle and gruncles


End file.
